Reckless Generation

“I think its really messed up how so many teenagers are alone and sad and having panic attacks in their rooms while their parents watch TV and how alot of those teenagers have had a relatively normal childhoods yet there’s a huge boom of depression and ED’s and mental disorders and its dumb how we have been turned into a generation labelled ‘reckless’ but really we’re only reckless
with ourselves.” -Unknown. 

Probably my favorite quote of all time. I think it really says alot about the world we live in and personally I feel like it fits my life to a ‘T’.

As a child I did have a relatively normal childhood, well other than my dad leaving us when I was 5. But I guess that actually is pretty normal for most kids in this day of age. I am 18 years old and I don’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t have depression. I developed bulimia by the age of 10 and was a full blown self harm addict by 12. My mom works for the local newspaper and is very active in our church, I think she always knew what was going on but was either to embarrassed or naive to admit that her only daughter was a complete mess. Until shortly after my eighteenth birthday my best friend since pre-k sent her a message saying that he was scared for me, that he thought that if I didn’t receive help soon that I’d kill myself. And he was right, I had reached that part in life where I just wanted to end it all and I was ready to do so. The funny thing about Depression is that it doesn’t care. After that day my mom took my blades, started me on anti depressants and from there pretended I was happy. The weird thing about my anti depressants are that even thought then do kind of help me, they cause really bad anxiety. I have never had as many panic attacks in my life as I have in the last 7 months.

Although I have recently relapsed in self harm and I’m not sure that I will be able to stop on my own or if I ever will even be able to stop, I have for the most part beaten my bulimia. I am a reckless mess, and I don’t care.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:1-800-273-8255